Living This Life Of Mine

The true from the not...

2008-02-16T20:59:00.000+08:00

This has been quite a troublesome day for me... What with the news of losing friends... But then again...

Did they really think of me as their friend? Well I may never know what goes on in their minds but on my part my conscience is clear. I may have been strict with the site's guidelines but everything enforced here was for everyone's safety in mind.

I may have been emotional. Some I guess find it quite exaggerated or even corny. But that's me. That's who I am.

One thing is for sure... For all the bad and slanderous comments said of me. I do not feel the need to retaliate. What for? At least now I know who really are my friends

Reminiscing mood...

2008-01-30T21:02:00.000+08:00

Now tears are rolling down my face...

Bad News at a Bad Time

2008-01-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

I was totally suprised by what had transpired awhile ago. I was in deep depression, a really deep one. And when I logged on the net... Lo and behold I saw someone logged on ym. I immediately sent a message hoping to strike a conversational chat. At last I had someone whom I chose to tell my frustrations as of late.

Then it hit me... BAM !!! It was like a bomb. Bad news at a bad time. The person whom I hoped would help me out of my mire brought an even bigger problem. Not even caring if the news hurt me... From what I saw.

Whoever said that if your down there's no place to go but up... Was stupid. Crashing on the ground might even burrow me deeper in the mud and earth.

I'm not hoping that all this bad luck is gonna end... I'm just hoping it slows down a bit.

Nothing and Emptiness

2008-01-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

Here I am again... A week has gone by for the new year yet nothing much has changed. Been sick for most of the recent days and there is still the feeling of nothingness and emptiness.

When will it all end :(

Sneaky...

2007-12-18T20:42:00.000+08:00

I really hate it when other people go through your stuff then take some of it without you knowing it. And thos people are your own brother's at that.

I am really fuming right now. The house was to undergo a mapecon treatment for termites and stuff. So I cleaned up my room then left it open and advised the maid to look after it when it is being treated. Lo and behold, when I got home some stuff were already missing. Those sneaky bastards... That's why I always keep my room closed when I am not at home.

Superbad...

2007-12-01T19:25:00.000+08:00

Watched SUPERBAD awhile ago. Not bad. Typical high school teenager stuff topics. Like... Booze , juvenile delinquency and sex. Brings back memories...

Hell just watching it made me wanna drink beer... Hehehe... Now I'm wasted and thinking about where I'm going tonight. That is if I don't lie in bed and fall asleep.

Reminiscing...

2007-11-28T23:31:00.000+08:00

Haven't made any entry these past few days. Nothing significant happened anyways...

Well while browsing the net... I accidentally came across an old song which I really loved. Imagine... I haven't heard the song in years. Yet I sang along to it, knowing the lyrics by heart.

So I'm sharing the song here right now.

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eSnips Social DNA

Girl, you're looking fine tonight,

and every guy has got you in his sights

What you're doing with a clown like me,

is surely one of life's little mysteries

So tonight I'll ask the stars above,

How did I ever win your love?

What did I do?

What did I say,

to turn your angel eyes my way?

Well, I'm the guy who never learned to dance,

never even got one second glance

Across a crowded room was close enough,

I could look but I could never touch

So tonight I'll ask the stars above,

How did I ever win your love?

What did I do?

What did I say,

to turn your angel eyes my way?

Don't anyone wake me,

if it's just a dream

'Cause she's the best thing,

that's ever happened to me

All you fellows, you can look all you like,

but this girl, you see, she's leavin' here with me tonight

There's just one more thing that I need to know,

if this is love why does it scare me so?

It must be something only you can see,

'cause girl I feel it when you look at me

So tonight I'll ask the stars above,

How did I ever win your love?

What did I do?

What did I say,

to turn your angel eyes my way?

Letting Go...

2007-11-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

"It's not what we hold in our hands that is ours. It is what is left when we open our hands and let go."

Don't Mind a Nobody

2007-11-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

A friend of mind informed me of a certain person who was badmouthing me again on a public board. And I was like... Laughing when I read it. Just think... If I were a nobody would anyone go to all the trouble of saying bad stuff about me?

I don't mind people who badmouth me when I'm not around. Why? Coz it would be just a waste of my time giving a reaction. They can say all they want it don't affect me at all. Oops wait... It does extract one emotion from me... And that is to laugh :)

Think think think...

2007-11-21T21:27:00.000+08:00

Think... Did any significant thing happen today?

Nothing comes to mind...

Wasted Time

2007-11-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

Morning, noon until this night...

Another day wasted... Things still not going smoothly at the office. It's really tough when you got nothing to do.

After office... Well... Hmmm... Let's just say... I"m tired but I'm not satisfied :(

Balot... Yummy

2007-11-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

Highlight of my day today? I ate two balot. Hehehe... The pic is not that clear. If it was clearer for sure you would be salivating already ;)

Youtube... My first ever video upload

2007-11-18T22:02:00.000+08:00

Finished this last night... Or should I say in the wee hours of the night. Then uploaded it this morning. My first time to make a finished video. Of course there were lots of experimentation and a few mistakes.

Now here it is... Enjoy =)

Arguments are NONSENSE...

2007-11-17T13:08:00.000+08:00

I was just in an argument with my older sister awhile ago. And just like always it didn't get us anywhere. She hates me... I hate her... End of story. If I had my way I would rather not talk to her for the rest of my life. Why? She never listens. The only thing she wants is to show her dominance being the elder sibling and to humuliate me whenever she can. She says a lot of things... About family stuff. But action speaks louder than words. She don't give a crap about what happens to me. So why should I also care?

Ahhh... This is just one of the reasons on why my life right now is in shambles.

Death Metal !!!

2007-11-16T19:32:00.000+08:00

It's friday !!! End of the work week. I'm still tense and stressed out by the recent developments at the office. Thought about going out on a gimmick but I'm keeping my expenses on check just to be sure.

So here I am relaxing at home and amused by videos I just watched...

Fall Back Down - Rancid

2007-11-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

"Fall Back Down"
Rancid

Don't worry about me, I'm gonna make it alright
Got my enemies crossed out in my sight
I take a bad situation gonna make it right
In the shadows of darkness I stand in the light

You see it's our style to keep it true
I've had a bad year, a lot to go through
I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue
She's not the one coming back for you
She's not the one coming back for you

If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again
If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend
[x2]

It takes disaster to learn a lesson
You're gonna make it through the darkest night
Some people betray one and cause treason
We're gonna make everything alright

Well the worst of times, now, they don't phase me
Even if I look and act really crazy
I went way down, she betrayed me
Now my vision is no longer hazy

I'm very lucky to have my crew
They stood by me when she flew
I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue
She's not the one coming back for you
She's not the one coming back for you

If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again
If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend
[x4]

Old Friends

2007-11-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

Sometimes in times of hopelessness old friends have the ability to help you out when you least expect it. It might not be an assurance of solving the problem but the act itself boosts the spirit up.

Composure

2007-11-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

I was feeling empty awhile ago. Just browsing a few sites just to get me drowsy and sleep off this wasted day. When I saw this video. It was heavy, hard hitting and cool. I immediately liked the song and band (August Burns Red)

Imagine my birthmonth is August...

Tried to surf the lyrics of the song. And I was surprised on the content of the lyrics. What a time for this message to come.

Shake it off.
Pick yourself up, they say.
Your life fell apart in your hands, and you've got the scars to prove it.
It's not the first time, and they're getting deeper.
Pull it together.
Button up your shirt.
Roll down those sleeves.
Don't let them see how you've coped.
More and more your demeanor looks like quicksand.
It seems like your giving up on everything you worked for.
It's pulling you under.
It's gripping around your throat.
Life can be overwhelming,
but don't turn your back on the strongest crutch you've ever.
They have always been there to brace your fall.
Wave goodbye to the past.

Empty

2007-11-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

You know that feeling? Feeling empty. Absolutely nothing... No ideas, no plans, no nothing.

I was supposed to be writing a letter of response. A letter wherein my life will be depending upon. But the feeling of emptiness prevailed.

Tonight I will be praying again. Something I will be doing for three night's in a row. Hey that's a record for me. I maybe paranoid, depressed, on the verge of suicide... But I still do pray, even if it's once in a blue moon.

Day with a Heavy Heart

2007-11-13T21:31:00.000+08:00

The tear says it all...

Depression has sunk in.

Migraine Attack !!!

2007-11-12T22:01:00.000+08:00

Sleep, sleep and more sleep...

That's what I did for the most part of the day. It's pretty hard when I get migraine attacks. Nothing is accomplished at all.

2007 World Pool Championships

2007-11-11T19:26:00.000+08:00

Spent most part of the afternoon and early evening watching the championship match of the 2007 World Pool Championships held at the Araneta Coliseum, Quezon City in the Philippines.

England's Daryl Peach wins with a score of 17-15 against the Philippines Roberto Gomez.

I think it was some sort of sweet revenge for Peach for what the Filipino crowd did to him. Imagine the crowd cheering evertime he missed a shot. I am a Filipino and I am somewhat embarassed at how the crowd reacted on his shots. Yeah it's all about passion and loving your own countryman but they could have also shown respect to the opponent.

Anyways as what the the local announcers were saying. This could have been the sloppiest championship round ever what with all the errors incurred by each competitor. Gomez had his chance to win in the 31st rack but he muffed the 9 ball. Peach sank the 9 ball and run out the last rack of the game.

Congratulations to Daryl Peach.

Sick Weekend

2007-11-10T23:19:00.000+08:00

Why?

Why do I have to get sick just before the weekend?

It's saturday evening already... And I'm still sick. My throat hurts, my eyes are burning and I feel a fever inside of me. I had plans for last night and this weekend. Now it all went down the drain. Drank the medicine prescribed to me and hopefully I get better.

But of course being sick does not deter me from playing ps2 and logging on the internet. Yeah I know I should be resting. Hey I couldn't go out so why should I do nothing here at home? Sometimes I consider resting and sleeping a waste of time (take note "sometimes")

No rest for the wicked !!!

Guitar Hero III

2007-11-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to put something long here... But when I got home I got too engrossed playing Guitar Hero III Legends of Rock (PS2) which included tracks from Slayer, White Zombie, Metallica, etc...

Cool... Very cool. So need to go back to playing. I guess I'll put my original entry tomorrow.

Boring Day

2007-11-08T22:33:00.000+08:00

Absolutely nothing much happened today. Work at the office was almost at a standstill since most of the employees were moving to their designated new departments. Our turn at moving will be tomorrow. But one thing predominantly occupied my mind for the majority of this day... The chances of keeping my work.

Smear Campaign

2007-11-07T22:59:00.000+08:00

Let's not talk about my problems at work right now. Action is being done and hopefully it pans out well. Now I'd like to make a light comment on a series of events that started like a day or 2 days ago...

After getting home from work, made the usual log in first before anything else at 1K Club Forums. So I noticed another newly created account, usually I'd go like... "Hey another newbie... Nice" But I noticed another thing. I'd not go into details but something made me suspicious. If there's one thing I don't like happening on the board is when a member would provoke or slander another member in plain view of the site. That's a big no no... Another thing I hate is that they would go through all the trouble of creating new accounts just to continue attacking their target.

So just as I expected the new account seemed to belong to a "member" who I think don't want to come out in the open. He/she just want to slander another member. Even with a warning the "member" did not pay heed. Still continued the attacks. End result. Got banned from the site.

What's funny is that person still continues creating new accounts. Even up to the point of pretending to be a real "newbie"

I just don't get it why people would go to great lengths just to get back or smear other people's image. Why don't they just concentrate on their own life? Oh well...

Blank Stare

2007-11-06T22:59:00.001+08:00

Rose up early in the morning again and was at the office 7:06 a.m. Wore civies since it was allowed this whole week. After which went to our scheduled seminar at which I fought my sleepiness just to pay attention to the lecturer. One good thing about seminars is that there is almost always free food. Hehehe...

I went back to my desk at lunchtime. There... My manager gave me the bad news. The decision of the medical department which did not go in my favor triggered another memo informing me that the personnel department sent my papers to the investigation unit. Now this news did not immediately sink in. It was as if I was like unmindful of it. Went back to my desk and tried to sleep it off. At the end of the lunchbreak there began moments of staring blankly into nothing. I was sitting there motionless as if time had stopped. A feeling of hopelessness arose. A dark cloud was above me…

It was then that I began to realize the care and help being extended by my co wokers who expressed their sympathy and willingness to help. My immediate supervisors and other co workers talked to me and worked out something to help me out. Rarely do I experience this and it touched my heart. Most of the time I am alone dealing with whatever comes my way. Unfortunately this has never brought out a positive outcome. The gesture by my supervisors and co-workers gave me hope albeit a slim one. But at least I did not give up and just died…

Another day at the office

2007-11-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

Woke up very early this morning and arrived at work 7:31 a.m. Only to be informed that we were allowed not to wear our uniforms since we'd be like cleaning up our mess and stuff since there would be a major reorganization. Bummer. Anyways this leeway is for a week so I ain't gonna be wearing that long sleeve shirt plus the necktie. Alright!

Bad news is... I again received a memo. That the medical department didn't approve of the reason for my absenteeism. Hey I really was getting sick and had a whole lot of problems. I have drastically changed since then. I just hope and pray everything turns out well. To everyone who gets to read this please pray for me that I keep my job. Life is hard nowadays. Real hard. This is my bread and butter... So I just hope that I be given a second chance...

Would have been...

2007-11-04T02:12:00.000+08:00

November 4... When the clock struck 12 midnight. I was reminded once again by my cellphone. The reminder went off again. This happens every 4th of each and every month. This should have been our 37th monthsary. That is if me and my ex were still together.

A few days ago... I was checking out my old friendster account. An account that I don't use anymore but check once in a while for any new messages. While reviewing my friends list I noticed my ex changed the name on her account(this was an alternative account different from her main one) and she put the name of my favorite actor. While the subtitle on her pic was one of the terms of endearment that I would call her. Even more she put a line of our theme song on her shoutbox. Then I noticed that it has been 2 weeks since she logged in on that account.

Now I ask myself... Why did she have to do this? What was her intention? Or was it just nothing to her? Coz to tell you the truth I am still hurt by what had happened to us. The series of events after that. I opened my thoughts on moving on... But after this I am confused again. Should I or should I not try to contact her again?

Sleepless Night

2007-11-03T03:34:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning in bed with a lot of things on my mind. Stuff like family problems, my work, my ex girlfriend, the 1K Club site and members and a whole lot more.

Life is really hard especially if it feels like everything is at a standstill. Time keeps on turning yet it seems I am not moving forward, not gaining anything at all. I know that I am at an age where I should be somewhere already. Achieved much much more than what I have today. But alas... It ain't so.

Direction. Yes that is what I am missing. But what should be my driving force to move into whatever direction I am going to take? That I don't know... I honestly don't know.

Funny Incident

2007-11-02T14:11:00.000+08:00

Something funny just happened...

Wasn't doing anything awhile ago... Lying in bed... Staring blankly at the ceiling when I thought... Hmmm... I haven't texted the girl from danny's.

So stood up looked for the piece of tissue in my wallet and texted her... "hi wer u at?"

Then I received a reply saying saying something like...
hu u? i don't know you don't text me?" Of course the message was in tagalog so I just translated it

So I replied "hey this was the guy whom you gave your number at danny's"

And then the response was "this is her bf... blah blah blah"

So out of jest i replied "duh... hu u?"

Then I got no more reply...

Maybe they are in an argument and fighting already. Not sure. But hey it wasn't my fault his girl freely gave the number. Oh well just another amusing incident for the day

Love Has No Borders...

2007-11-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

Happy Halloween...

I was asleep for most of the day since I was out last night with a friend on a gimmick. Just awhile ago while I was eating dinner I remembered the dream I had while in deep slumber. I dreamt of my mother (whom I fondly called Mama when she was still alive) I can't quite remember what was the conversation that we had but she was there. Then I realized maybe she was visiting me. Upon thinking of this tears rolled down my face. Since the time of her burial I had never visited her tomb. Mainly for reasons that I was not on good terms with one member of the family. Since everytime a schedule is made to visit Mama that person is always there. Yeah I know that ain't that good enough a reason not to come and visit Mama. But I guess it was also borne out of missing Mama. I just couldn't go alone and visit her grave. For me... In my heart I miss her so much and feel that she is still there.

So for that reason since only Mama knows all things about me she came and visited me in my dream. And I am glad she did.

Another attempt at Blogging

2007-11-01T01:00:00.000+08:00

I'm taking another crack at blogging my life. I have tried before but unfortunately never did have the drive to regularly update my old one's.

So why do you ask I'm going through the motions of creating a new one? For the simple reason that I received a message in friendster telling me "one can really earn money by blogging"

Yeah I've been hearing and reading this for months. Only problem is my lack of patience in these sort of things. But hey nothing wrong with dreaming of earning big bucks online since i'm logged on the internet for most of the time I am at home.

Oh yeah another reason I created this blog is the site wherein I spend most of my online time 1K Club Forums is currently not availabe. Most probably there's something wrong with the server.

I think this should be all for now.

Happy Halloween to all of you people out there...